We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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