When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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