this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
