Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
