When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
