ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize