I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
