people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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