god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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