also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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