if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
