Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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