I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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