I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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