the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
