i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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