Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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