I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
