He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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