Well douche your snatch and let's go!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
