It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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