Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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