Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
