Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
