He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
