Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
