Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
