Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
