The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
