Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
