this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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