I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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