# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
