the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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