mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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