You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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