the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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