I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did i walk over a car last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
