hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
