I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
