haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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