she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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