Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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