was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
