Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
