so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
