come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
