We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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