I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
