I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
