People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Every concussion has its silver lining
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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