So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
