Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
