Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
