wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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