My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
