the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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