He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
worst night to have a conscience
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
