It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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