I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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