K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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