chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
