We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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