I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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