just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
