Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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