I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
