So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
