no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
only you would photoshop your dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
