When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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