There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
