I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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