We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
