Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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