You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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