I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
